Intro archive/soup Recipe Shelf Sink Chef
Take me higher...

Primordial Soup
Random Recipe

from Random Acts of Poetry by Brian McKinney

1 brain, drained
1 hand of God, fingernails trimmed
3 cups seawater, filtered, desalinated, no-salt substitute substituted
1 onion, sliced, diced, riced
1 potato, 2 potato, 3 potato, more
spice, rice, lice, mice

Simmer for three million years under an open sun.

When I originally launched this web site, Primordial Soup Kitchen (PSK) seemed a unique and fitting name. Still, a frequent comment from visitors goes something like: I have no clue what this is about, but it's cool. The best way to understand what goes on here is to explore in depth. For starters you might try clicking on bowls of green soup whenever you see them; they lead to random PSK locations.

Surprisingly, the World Wide Web contains other locations with the same designation. One is an imposter site I discovered a couple of years ago, "stultifyingly like yours, except for the math part," in the words of the perpetrator. Also, I once ran across a page advertising a music CD called Primordial Soup Kitchen, released by some really obscure rock band. A reward of $50 is hereby offered to anyone who provides information leading to the acquisition of said CD. But the most ubiquitous twin of my site is a zine and e-zine mail-order outlet run by one Sean Guillory. He even has a web address for his catalog, with the rather disappointing salutation:

Hello! You are probably looking for the Primordial Soup Kitchen web catalog.
It used to be here, but you know what? I hate the web.

To help explain this, the true PSK to visitors, I have now scoured the web for documents which contain all three words of the title. Of course, by a principle known in my trade as the "monkey-at-the-typewriter theorem," any sufficiently long and incoherent tract (e.g., a dictionary) could qualify, but I've carefully selected only those instances which convey the essential meaning of my site. Here's what I found...

  • from Time Magazine
    The Great Ice Storm of 1998 brought a primordial reminder that only a few frail steel structures and humming power lines separate millions of Canadians and New Englanders from one of the most brutish and unpredictable climates on earth. ... At a Montreal soup kitchen, volunteers in their 70s worked to prepare hot meals for other seniors stuck at home.

  • from Recent History of Cosmological Theories
    George Gamow, R.A. Alpher, and R. Herman devised the initial model of the primordial fireball, or "big bang." ... Gamow called the thick pre-explosion pre-soup "ylem." ... Misner's Mixmaster Theory used a kitchen appliance to explain his theory that the universe regularly oscillates between a cigar shape and pancake shape.

  • from the AGENETICS Product Information Description
    Introducing a revolutionary new technology that's only 4 billion years old. That's right 4 billion. It's about that time that Mother Nature was hard at work in the primordial soup kitchen cooking up a strange new recipe called life.

  • some Usenet food humor
    Snack cakes developed over two-and-a-half zillion years ago, when the seas were full of Campbell's primordial soup. ... A suitable location for the experiment is required, it being expected that the kitchen is not the appropriate place for blow-torching Strawberry Pop Tarts.

  • from the Leisure Suit Larry 7 Hint Book
    Go to the kitchen. Take the magazine-wrapped fish. ... Next, go to the library. Ask Victorian about something that's not on her list of available topics (wombats? Sputnik? primordial soup?).

  • from Reflections on a Chess Match
    I was on my way to the kitchen to grab some soda when I caught a 'Coming Soon!' blurb on the telly. "The latest in the Deep Blue/Kasparov Match!", with the video image of Kasparov looking dejected, head buried in his arms. ... Purpose, direction, drive, focus. Deep Blue didn't appear out of some primordial soup filled with transistors.

  • from a cooking column
    I know my way 'round my kitchen, and I'm not a gourmet. ... Cream of Popcorn Soup is a treat that adds that extra touch without a lot of extra effort. Sometimes I call this Primordial Soup, and tell guests that the popcorn in their bowls is really broken up bits of dinosaur bones.

  • from a profile of photo-artist Morten Krogvold
    He added that he'd come home to find that his refrigerator-freezer had "gone to hell" in his absence, coating his kitchen floor with a primordial organic soup.

  • from 48 Hours with an Exploding Toilet
    Aside from heat and humidity so thick that the miracle of evolution has begun in the primordial soup of my towel rack, this week has actually gone quite well. ... A large puddle formed in the lowlands of the kitchen.

  • from a review of a restaurant called Kitchen
    The kitchen in almost everyone's childhood is the primordial source of love ... Kitchen offers fresh, hearty, abundant fare. ... An asparagus-potato bisque emphasized a fresh taste with excellent results, though the friend who ordered it admitted that his distaste for nuts made him frown at the surprise of almonds in the soup.

  • from The Sweet, Sultry South
    Other than N'Orleans, what primordial soup could have spawned Anne Rice's luminous, lusty Lestat the vampire? ... On a hot Southern evening, as Patricia Neal stares transfixed through the open kitchen window at a shirtless Paul Newman in Hud, it's clear that's some precious dish she's cleaning...

  • from a creationist rant
    They say you and I evolved over aeons of time; that life began billions of years ago in some way, perhaps by a "chance strike of lightning in a primordial soup of methane and ammonia." ... Is it possible, given enough time, to dump, in place, a five-room house with two fireplaces, bay window, snug den, a large master bedroom, a gleaming, modern kitchen ...

  • from a Boston Magazine essay on Timothy Leary
    The professor sat up in bed, looking for Marianne. He wandered into the kitchen, calling her name. ... He and Leary met at the Harvard faculty club for a bowl of mushroom soup. ... Surely, after experiencing "the primordial fact of unity in love," the movers and shakers of the 20th century wouldn't have the heart to press the button.

  • from Food as a Fine Art Medium
    Standing in the hot kitchen at five o'clock in the morning so you can get the cake done in time to be picked up at 9AM is no fun. ... As the Primordial cut is made, all the hours of work and skill in construction go by the wayside ... But then again, who would have thought that someone would make a fortune painting Campbell soup cans?

Take me higher...
Intro Soup ../recipe ../shelf ../sink Chef